I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
