my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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