Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
