So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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