Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
