Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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