drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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