dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
