Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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