worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
