How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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