break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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