i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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