I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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