Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
