I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
