I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
