my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
