I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
