Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I puked a lego.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's the barista slut.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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