just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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