I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
