Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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