I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
