Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
