Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
