And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
