thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
