i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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