We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
