Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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