Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
