that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
