I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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