It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
