spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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