so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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