Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
