Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
