we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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