I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
