She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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