i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
