I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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