Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
