You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
