I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
