Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
