What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
