She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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