I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
