Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
