apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
