so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
